Everyone would always give me so much credit when they would find out I was fostering Dre. I got the “good for you”‘s and the “y’all are amazing”‘s … I never knew how to respond other than “well, we were called to it” and leave it at that. Sometimes I tell McKamy to go put on an outfit that she doesn’t want to wear…she fights me tooth and nail about it until she realizes she will not win…she hesitantly will lift the shirt over her head and quickly slam it down past her belly button. She will walk out the door in the outfit I have assigned to her but she will not be thrilled…then, she will be somewhere and someone will come up to her and say “McKamy, I love that outfit on you, you look so beautiful in those colors, love it”…her head will hang as she says her thank you’s because she knows first off that she really can’t take credit for the compliment and she will also know that her mama was right about what she was supposed to wear that day. This is how I feel…I am McKamy who begrudgingly obeyed the Lord in his assignment on my life and when I get the “attaboy”‘s, I want to bow my head and say “thanks, but I can’t take credit for it…at all…my Father made me do it” because ultimately, it is by His command that we chose to foster and it is by His creative hands that he created that design in me to have a heart for the neglected since I was a child…He made that in me…it’s all Him…it’s not Allie and Justin even a little bit. Now, in saying all this, my heart started this journey with our Dre boy a little hesitant, a little fearful, and pretty selfish. Things were brought to the surface about myself that I had no idea was in me…things in the dark were forced to the light and I was able to recognize it, acknowledge I had some work to do, pray for a change of heart and it began a process in me that I didn’t even know I was in need of. Looking back at these past few months I see why He chose me to be Dres mom for these past few months, I see now why I was fighting His will for so long, and I see that absolutely everything is done with purpose and we were all created with purpose.
All this said, I will find myself in a moment tomorrow afternoon that is the reason many upon many people choose not to foster…the inevitable “oh, I could never do that because I could never love a child then have to have them leave”…I always bravely responded to these people with “God will equip you, it’s a mission field, it’s not going to be easy, but whats necessary is not always easy”…this will not be my first time to give something back that I have grown to love, but this will be the first time that I am truly equipped with the power of the Holy Spirit. God has been preparing me for tomorrow my entire life. It hurts like hell…I feel a pain in my heart that can almost squeeze the life out of me if I dwell on it too long but in the midst of the pain, I hear the whisper of a promise….
God promises me that every kiss I put on that child will not be erased
God promises me that every time someone spoke LIFE over him, it will continue to echo to him throughout his life
God promises me that the baths he absolutely loved taking is a reflection of the baptism he will one day have as he is washed over with the blood of Christ and baptized in the water
God promises me that every spit up I cleaned up, every diaper I changed, every tantrum I soothed will assure him a life where he is surrounded by people willing to help, willing to sacrifice for him, willing to do good for him because he will be worthy of it, they will see his potential and he will achieve those dreams God placed in his heart by the help of these people
God promises me that the joy in my home is a joy he will carry forever and no matter what…it will be unbreakable
God promises me that love is enough, no matter the age, no matter the time frame
God promises me that the pain, this pain gurgling to the surface that starts from the tips of my toes stretching up to the pits of my stomach and up to the deepest part of my heart and pounding like a fist on a door…that pain… is 100% worth it
Everyone always asks for prayers, and we are so thankful for those who have offered to pray for Dre and for us but today rather than just ask for prayer casually, I ask that you take a minute from your busy day, and turn off all your electronics, quite your space around you, close your eyes and think of a teeny little 6 month old sitting on a blanket in the middle of the room…he has smooth, warm chocolate skin…his arms flap up and down as he squeals with delight…he has cabbage patch dimples on both cheeks and big round brown eyes with a blue ring around them…his eyes twinkle…his hair…oh gosh…his hair…his hair is thick and curly…it’s hard not to just run your fingers through it all day long…think about this baby boy for just a minute for me and ask God that that boy you have imagined in your mind grows into a man that knows his purpose and that he lives it out beautifully, glorifying God the entire way.
Im so humbled that God chose me to be Dres mom for the time I was…it has truly been such an honor…God is good. I love you kid. forever.
So beautifully written. Stirred me.
What a beautiful heart and spirit you have. This touched me, it inspired me. Thank you for pouring your heart out like this so we all can learn and benefit from your experiences.
Thank you, this blog is written from your heart and hits me right in mine!
My husband and I are halfway through the certification process here in FL and though we will be adopting from foster care we know the road is long but so worth it!